A note before reading; I started this after my child was hospitalized for RSV for a few days. I kept meaning to come back to this, but I am now finishing this on January 27, 2025. This week has not only been met with a new administration, but an influx of anger, hatred, devastation…ICE is going into schools to take children from their classrooms, there are daily alerts about the removal of rights for marginalized communities; even bounty hunters being told they can get money for “rounding people up”. It is more evident than ever that we need to check in with ourselves to be able to maintain the love and care for those around us.
For those that are neurodivergent like me, or are overstimulated, the contents of this blog are as follows. You can scroll as you need with bolded titles.
The nervous system
Fight, flight, freeze, fawn
Grounding exercises/coping mechanisms
Final notes
This past year has been met with so much gratitude, but full of ups, downs, and everything in between. With a hospitalization for RSV, dealing with food allergies, a loss, growth spurts, sleep regressions, and everything that comes with raising a confident, loving, and abundant toddler, how do you take care of yourself as a parent when so many things feel out of control? To dig into this deeper, let’s look at the nervous system, how we get activated, and what we can do to take care of ourselves.
THE NERVOUS SYSTEM
So what is the nervous system? For some of us, our biology class was a long time ago. The nervous system is like your body's communication network, sending messages between your brain and the rest of your body so you can move, think, feel, and react to things around you. It is made up of your brain, spinal cord, and nerves that branch out to every part of your body, and it uses tiny cells called neurons to send these messages.
The autonomic nervous system (ANS) is the part of the nervous system that regulates involuntary bodily functions. If you have heard of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, they are activated by the ANS. The "fight or flight" part is primarily driven by the sympathetic nervous system, while the "freeze" response is associated with the parasympathetic nervous system, essentially activating when the body perceives a threat and needs to either confront it, escape, or remain immobile depending on the situation.
FIGHT, FLIGHT, FREEZE, FAWN
Key points about the fight, flight, freeze response and the nervous system:
· Activation:
When a perceived threat occurs, the amygdala in the brain sends a signal to the hypothalamus, which then triggers the ANS to activate the appropriate response - fight, flight, or freeze.
· Sympathetic Nervous System (Fight or Flight):
This branch of the ANS releases adrenaline and cortisol, causing physical changes like increased heart rate, rapid breathing, muscle tension, and heightened alertness, preparing the body to either confront or flee the threat.
· Parasympathetic Nervous System (Freeze or Fawn):
In situations where fight or flight might not be effective, the parasympathetic nervous system can activate a "freeze" response, leading to physical stillness, slowed heart rate, and potential feelings of numbness or paralysis, or “fawn” the need to avoid conflict in different ways.
Physical symptoms of the fight, flight, freeze, fawn response:
Fight
Increased muscle tension, clenched fists, rapid breathing, elevated heart rate, narrowed focus, aggression
Flight
Rapid breathing, increased heart rate, sweating, muscle tension, urge to run away
Freeze:
Slowed heart rate, feeling numb or paralyzed, difficulty thinking clearly, potential for dissociation
·
Fawn:
The body tries to please someone to avoid conflict
Can involve people-pleasing behaviors, submission, or attempting to gain favor
Can be a response to religious trauma or abuse
It is important to remember that these responses are all natural and biological. They have helped us biologically survive and we should not feel shame for them. What we do need to do, is help our brains get back online to understand the difference between perceived threats, stress, and very real threats.
As I write this, I understand there are many communities that are feelings REAL threats under this current time.
GROUNDING EXERCISES/COPING MECHANISMS
Experiencing these stages of stress responses over time or for a long duration can have physical and emotional complications. Let us be aware of this to protect ourselves and those around us.
So, what can you do?
Notice your body.
Many of us have activity trackers on our watches these days. What is your resting heart rate? The Mayo Clinic says that a normal resting heart rate is between 60-100. Personally, I find mine to be around 57/58 bpm when I am calm and relaxed. Lately, it has been consistently higher.
Do you notice that you are clenching your jaw? Do you have closed fists? Are you shoulders tight and raised by your ears? Again, these are biological responses to a threat. You are physically ready to fight. We are noticing our body and can follow steps below to release this stress.
Is your stomach upset? Have you lost your appetite? Or, are you eating more than usual. Take a moment and notice any things that may be different than usual.
During the height of our COVID lockdown, when I was in telehealth sessions all day, I would notice my body HURT at the end of the day from working so hard to be present. When I started having lunch outside in our backyard, I think my body was able to rest a bit more. Get fresh air, if that is where you feel safe. Vitamin D is a game-changer for health, even if just for a few moments.
Take deep breaths
When stressed, it is amazing how tightly we can hold our breath. Again, this is a biological coping mechanism. To stay safe and vigilant, your body believes it needs to be still and ready to fight. Here are some great breathing techniques that can be done in just a few minutes.
Diaphragmatic breathing: When you begin, you may feel tired, but over time the technique should become easier and should feel more natural.
· Lie on your back with your knees slightly bent and your head on a pillow.
· You may place a pillow under your knees for support.
· Place one hand on your upper chest and one hand below your rib cage, allowing you to feel the movement of your diaphragm.
· Slowly inhale through your nose, feeling your stomach pressing into your hand.
· Keep your other hand as still as possible.
· Exhale using pursed lips as you tighten your abdominal muscles, keeping your upper hand completely still.
Box breathing, or square breathing:
· Inhale to a count of four.
· Hold your air in your lungs for a count of four.
· Exhale to a count of four.
· Hold your lungs empty for a count of four.
· inhale and begin the pattern again.
Belly breathing: Sit in a chair, sit cross-legged, or lay on your back with your head and knees supported. Place one hand on your upper chest and the other hand on your belly, below the ribcage.
Allow your belly to relax without forcing it inward by squeezing or clenching your muscles.
Breathe in slowly through your nose. The air should move into your nose and downward so that you feel your stomach rise with your hand. The hand on your chest should remain relatively still.
Exhale slowly through slightly pursed lips. Let your belly relax. You should feel that hand on your stomach fall inward toward your spine. The hand on your chest should remain relatively still.
Cycle through this process as many times as desired or needed.
Lion's breath: Bonus points if you feel silly. Come into a comfortable seated position. You can sit back on your heels or cross your legs. Press your palms against your knees with your fingers spread wide.
Inhale deeply through your nose and open your eyes wide.
At the same time, open your mouth wide and stick out your tongue, bringing the tip down toward your chin.
Contract the muscles at the front of your throat as you exhale out through your mouth by making a long “haaa” sound.
You can turn your gaze to look at the space between your eyebrows or the tip of your nose.
Do this breath 2 to 3 times.
Alternate nostril breathing: Nadi Shodhana is best practiced on an empty stomach. Avoid the practice if you’re feeling sick or congested. Keep your breath smooth and even throughout the practice.
To do this:
Choose a comfortable seated position.
Lift your right hand toward your nose, pressing your first and middle fingers down toward your palm and leaving your other fingers extended.
After an exhale, use your right thumb to gently close your right nostril.
Inhale through your left nostril and then close your left nostril with your right pinky and ring fingers.
Release your thumb and exhale out through your right nostril.
Inhale through your right nostril and then close this nostril.
Release your fingers to open your left nostril and exhale through this side.
This is one cycle.
Continue this breathing pattern for up to 5 minutes.
Finish your session with an exhale on the left side.
Drink water
I know this sounds silly, but we need to remember to drink water. You can set alarms on your phone or find an app to help you remember to drink water. Nothing can be done when we are dehydrated.
Find joy
Nothing helps release stress like finding some joy. Whether it is dancing, coloring, laughing, being with friends; do what you can to find joy.
Move your body
Move in a way that is helpful for you. Maybe you take a walk after dinner? Maybe you can fit in a boxing class? Maybe you put your legs up the wall and take deep breaths. When you move, you are able to release the stress stored in your body.
Turn off the news/take a social media break
If you are not aware of Shock Doctrine, that is what we are all experiencing right now. “Shock Doctrine” is a book by Naomi Klein that outlines disaster capitalism. This is seen through our frequent “breaking news” and constant alerts. The news is alerted this way to keep us coming back, so we don’t miss something. In conjunction with this, it appears the new administration Is trying to exhaust us with the constant barrage of news, changes, and orders. Step away and be present.
Turn off the news when your children are around
One of the first live new stories was about “Baby Jessica” in 1987. If you are unaware of this story, Jessica was a 18-month-old that fell in a well in her aunt’s backyard. CNN was the first news outlet to stream the rescue efforts 24 hours a day, until she was rescued. As a young child in West Texas, I remember sitting in front of the TV at a friend’s house and watching in horror. I was terrified that would happen to me. If you do have the news on, or watch things on your phone, or even listen to the radio, try to reduce this around your children, especially your young children. Children especially young children are egocentric and will worry too much.
FINAL NOTE
I know this time is hard. It is okay to step away. It is okay to say you need a moment. It is okay to ask your partner, spouse, family, to take over so you can collect yourself. Find joy, drink water, and breath. If you would like some ideas on how to talk to your children about some of the difficult and scary things, please see my other blog post “How to Talk To Your Children About Scary Things”.
We can make it through this together.
- Dr. Sarah
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